idiosynchronic (idiosynchronic) wrote,

Insomnia again

Usually, my insomnia is related to things that are negative or neutral of nature. Most times when my brain won't shut down, the subject matter is usually related to lists of things to do, annoyances, aggravations, concerns, or the fact that I'm laying in bed like cold fish, unable to just turn the lights out.

This morning it has been positive, although I'm at a loss to explain why. My wife and I left Ben with Grandpa yesterday while we went to a rubber-chicken wedding. (Well, the wedding was quite good, and the chicken was by no means rubbery - its just the people who attended with us are usually at the rubber-chicken dinners for the college.) Amazingly, we got back and found ol' Sleepless snoring away for his afternoon nap on his grandparent's couch. That Never happens- its usually like pulling teeth to get Ben to nap if Medea and I aren't doing it at home.

Ben woke up groggy though, even though he slept enough, which is unusual. Eithter he doesn't sleep enough and spends the next hour waking up and is whiny, or he sleeps enough and is his usual self. After a half hour he still wasn't up & going yet, so we knew something was up. Poor kid started runing hot, wouldn't eat, and was sick for the rest of the night. As I type this, he's slept all night, but has been semi-restless and a little sweaty.

What's been keeping me up has been the feeling of love I have for this child and my wife. Wow. Its one of those things where when you were child and were told that giving is better than receiving, you didn't belive it. While being loved is good and wonderful, loving another person or your child is 10x what their love could do for you in a deep blue funk. You wouldn't think you would experience that love in direct joy after spending the evening caring for the person, but that's where I am.
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